Losing someone who is near you is difficult. It’s painful, it makes your heart ache. Seeing that person everyday, you’re still able to communicate with eye contact, body language and so on. You can at least see how this person is doing, how they’re feeling, if they’re hurting, if they’re happy…
Losing someone who lives 6192 miles away is harder.
It’s painful. Your heart feels empty, especially after you’ve been talking to the same person every single day, that you’ve shared a lot of stories, that you’ve complained about how annoying life can be etc…
Just sharing little things like this.
And once that person is gone, you think they’ll come back. Maybe they’ve gone travelling, maybe they’re busy with school or work.
But when they don’t come back, you want to throw out your feelings for them. You try to hate them and blame them for everything.
For everything that they haven’t done.
I blame somebody, because they haven’t come back. I still blame them.
Thoughts have gone through my mind, that maybe they got sick, that maybe they were in an accident. But I refuse to believe.
I’ve tried forgetting them, flirting with others, but it just hurts.
That person is gone. Without any word, they left. There’s a hole in my heart and it keeps getting deeper. I haven’t thrown away my feelings, although I probably should. Otherwise, I’ll keeping getting hurt by somebody who isn’t doing anything wrong to me. In my mind, they are, but right now it’s possible that they’re hurt too.
Dear Fall, I hope you come back to me someday. My feelings might have changed. I hope you’re alright where you are.
I just need to know that you’re fine.
Lennie's Journal 